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“If evil be said of thee, and if it be true, correct thyself; if it be a lie, laugh at it.”Epictetus (55 - 135 AD)
For thousands of years satire has plagued mankind. The ancient philosopher Epictetus once suggested that victims of satire should simply laugh along with the joke, since they know better than anyone that there is no truth to the matter. What may have been sound advice thousands of years ago simply doesn't work in this day and age. Not with the internet. And the feels. ALL of the feels. Sensitive and insecure souls like yourself know how hard it can be just getting on social media without becoming offended by something you see posted - and that's just the material shared by your own family and 'supposed' friends. Making matters worse are those evil pranksters, recklessly going out of their way to post facetious information online. It is a sad reality that individuals exist who delight in this devious trickery, thinly veiled under the pretense of a harmless satire. Unfortunately this is the world we live in - nobody is required to care about you, or your delicate hurt feelings.
It might seem like an impossible feat to combat malicious satire. After all, we live in a society that protects, promotes, even celebrates satire. Courts have decided time and again that satire and parody fall into the realm of artistic expression and are thus protected under the guarantees of free speech. Why, there's even an annual holiday occurring every April where people specifically play practical jokes on one another! While this may seem like harmless fun to the average person, to the scarred, helpless, and tender victims of scathing satire, it's akin to adding salt to a deep and pervasive emotional wound.
Just as our society tends to blame rape victims for their plight because they perhaps "dressed provocatively" or were somehow "asking for it", so too are victims of satire blamed for their misfortunes. Some argue that satirical victims have it coming because they're "jerks who have a hard time getting along with anyone". But even if you can only count your friends on one hand, or maybe had to develop Apple IIE software just to keep track of your ever-growing list of enemies, all of that is immaterial. What is material are your personal feelings. Don't let anyone slut-shame you into being held accountable for your own actions or the type of person you are - never forget that you're the innocent victim in all of this! The world may not understand you, but we do. Victims of satire come from all walks of life. From the sorry victims in the entitled millenial generation, to the insecure, neocon, Trump-supporting, AARP-aged generation - we're here to help you!!
Because it's better than taking matters into your own hands. After getting punched directly in the feels by some idiot's cruel joke, it might seem like a good idea to fight back and get even. Maybe you've considered committing libel and slandering someone's name across social media, accusing them of criminal activity such as calling the police with false claims of a squatter on your property. Don't stoop to that level and make yourself look like a childish, petty, a-hole. Let us help by working around your social ineptitude and crafting a customized solution to rectify the pain and suffering you've experienced at the hands of a cruel satire. Visit the links below to discover the services we offer and read about some of our success stories. Don't wait - the time for healing is now!
Success Stories Become inspired by reading some of our greatest successes in helping victims of satire.Read More
Am I a Satire victim? Probably! Are you easily offended and can't take a joke? Fill out of this short form and find out!Take Survey
Emotionally Injured? Let us help by sending out a complimentary whambulance right to your location!Plz help!
Is Suicide the answer? That's just what the pranksters want. Read our exclusive suicide guide before you decide.Die Now?